She probably wants you to make a call. As time went on our texts started to get more and more one sided as i would ask about her day and i would help her with any problems she had, but she would always start complaining about her problems and never actually talking about mine. I love her, but I cant go on like this, sometimes I want to escape, but I cant. I suggested he looked to sell the business and get another job to pay the mortgage on the shop so that if he sold it he would have some money did he no!! I always stopped everything to help her, to stay hours remind her how she is incredible. Karen S., a business executive in her late 20s, had been with her boyfriend eight months when she fell into a funk. He is also seeing a psychiatrist who has advised he doesnt work I am doing 3 jobs to pay for my divorce as he is going to go bankrupt with his business =- because he couldnt face going in to work except at lunch time. But I feel so guilty and ashamed and like a failure for wanting this and I dont know what to do. My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. Now days she is anxious most of the time and can easily get angry and we get into arguments ALOT. Its very common, but you must break the cycle. I still love him so much, but I think its the best choice for both of us. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. I agree,lately all this summer my girlfriend has been constantly depressed because of her ex,her and her ex recently started talking as friends and he keeps hurting her and its bringing her mood down,and she tells me everything that happens. My advice to anyone going through this with a depressed person is just call it off and move on. You mention that your girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, Im going through a similar thing, Ive been with my girlfriend for 4 years, shes been through childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, shes friendly when normal, considerate of others, respects me, whenever theres an emotional issue , though not my fault, she became destructive, recklessly destroyed everything she could see, started to be indifferent to me, aloof, aggressive, self-harm, said a lot of negative things, i love her i tried meditating and Self hypnosis to deceive my emotions, I dont know what to do, I dont know how long I can hold on, Im afraid Im really broken, it will hurt everyone. it takes a lot of courag and resolve to stick around and be supportive to your partner and youve done that.kudos to that.please see that you have been strong and supportive for so long so you cannot think you will break.be confident and seek better outlets.therapy can help in a major way as I have seen.all the best. If you have solution, you are God for me:(, I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. In your head, you know it's no big deal. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. I once found out my girlfriend was talking to some other guy. She cannot afford therapy. A healthy relationship will feel secure no matter what. Thats not me! Its extremely helpful to be able to read something from the person suffering from depression. But I really just wanted to Thank You for your post. I feel as much like a caretaker as I do a boyfriend. But she keeps going back to him for friendship,what the eff am I for her now? The reason I feel it's dragging me down is that my girlfriend's mother has always been extremely disrespectful to me. This then gives my anxiety about getting erectile dysfunction. Ive never been so stressed and sad and angry my whole life. Therapy and meds nothing will work. I have thought about leaving, but I'm afraid it would devastate her, and I truthfully don't know that she would survive it. I know she deals with her own issues and Ive known for quite some time, but I see it more often now. Over the past year I dated someone that was unbalanced and going through a significant life transition. Good Luck Everyone. I hope my thoughts are helpful in any way, You need to ask is that what you want for the rest of your life. This is verbatim my situation. Its your natural born right to be happy! Here are some ways this may happen. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. I am afraid that if I leave she will kill herself, she is completely obsessed with me and I cant escape. Understand that put-downs are a reflection of the other person's insecurity and get support from trusted confidantes. Any thoughts or suggestions would be sincerely appreciated. but she made fun of me she said she wasnt going to read this BS. Wow. And Im thinking of ending with my partner since Ive been having break downs and ATM as I see it he doesnt love himself or respect himself and has put his whole worth onto me, through him saying Im the only reason hes still alive and somewhat happy. "My problem is that since we have moved in together, she is negative about everything." My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. Welcome to Tissue Issues, an advice column from comedian Ash . Girls love that kind of crap and its not gay or anything if you do something where you express your feelings. Life is can be cruel, tough and deceiving. But I believe in him and that thought is put away. Consider suggesting that she talk about these possibilities with her psychiatrist and therapist (if she has one). And do not try to help, just try to understand. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry over into almost every aspect of our life together. Im not sure whats going on but I let her know constructively that I considered leaving her I know its harsh but it was a reality check. Tristen, Armand, sounds like your girlfriends have real life boyfriends too. Than it all started to fade, she had weekly outbursts after we met, we had a lovely weekend, then, the other day, she was always very depressed or even aggressive, treating herself very badly, being jealous on my friends, depreciating herself. She is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, great girl! Ive dealt with people like that and let me tell you its never easy cuz there gonna try and bring you down.I mean I too have anxiety but not to the point where I freak out or go completely insane. I dont see it getting any better. If you have trouble finding a professional in your area, dont be discouragedit may mean youll have better luck doing a Google search or asking for a referral from a trusted health professional, such as your doctor. I have honoured her decision to sort this out alone. I dont want to leave her, as a friend she needs me more than anything, but I need to figure out a way to help us both (I know Im not going to fix her issues, but just being around saying the same thing over and over again like I love you or everything going to be okai doesnt seem like its doing anything at all. I myself am in a LDR with my girlfriend. So tell someone, it wont just save her life, but also yours. I feel really lost. all of our arguments come from her depression and her being in a bad mood, i can only sometimes cheer her up. Good looking, good healthy cooking. Dont worry too much about your girlfriend saying that you shouldnt talk to her anymore. However when i asked her how shed feel if i was to hang out with other girls she said that i wasnt allowed to and that all i would do is want to have sex with them or at least have those intentions. I am a fighter so that was my reaction. But enough about me, what I suggest youd do is get a hobby, or something to distract you from thinking about her all the time. Lately she has been responding to me uncaringly and uninterested. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it. But she just barely ever wants to talk, but thinks I should be always trying to talk to her even when she wont want too. You wish your sex like was more active, but hate being the one to initiate. Long distance relationships where you rarely/never meet in person are not really the same thing. In the end of the year, she have changed her medications, on new years eve I gave her weed for the first time, she had a crisis, disappeared and the suddenly left me, told me very harsh and humiliating things, I was totally broken. She experienced child sexual trauma and suffers from depression and ptsd. He has put me last every time. I ask if theres someone else, she says no. My partner has depression and anxiety and this year everything on his side of life started crumbling; family, job, friends, self-esteem, personal projects. You took a leap when you wrote in with your question. Or maybe it's because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent. Youve been shouldering a significant burden on your own for years; it sounds like you are ready to let someone help you carry the load. You deserve to be happy as well. The way this went down was that I got very worried and stayed up all night trying to stop her, and since then it has happened multiple times. You sound like a great boyfriend supporting her an everything.But where us your relationship right now?I mean,have you become just a caretaker for her,a shoulder to cry on?Or have you guys maintained your relationship to a good enough level so far?This is very important because what happens once she gets over her depression depends a lot on this.If she only sees you like a caretaker,there isnt much of a role for you to play when she does conquer her depression!Please reflect on this and sort things out.I know how it feels to stand by someone and then be abandoned by that same person.I would hate for that to happen to anybody else,especially to someone who has been as supportive as youve been! To see a list of mental health professionals practicing in your area, simply enter your ZIP code here: For the potential cheating part, dont worry about it. We can all get through this. But I just dont know anymore. So I fight. These people are emotionally selfish they may not do it on purpose but they will take away everything that defines you and then you will be a empty shell . yesterday she said dating isnt working for either of us, the things that we need to change are things that cant chnange. She losing her best friend to cancer and she going through crisis with weight loss. Her issues didnt matter to me as she is a very good person, but I didnt see the whole picture. When someone puts you down, deal with it by not immediately reacting to him. Can still manage to go to pool every Tuesday night til 2am. Dealing with a depressed girl isnt easy and there some moments of greatness and when it happens I take full advantage of it. We kept going on, and little by little she started becoming more and more away from me. Can anyone help me and tell me what can i do?. My ex boyfriend left me because I was depressed all the time. Method 1 Addressing It Right Now 1 Avoid reacting immediately. She has lost sleep all night, and so did I. All rights reserved. It seemed that she had turned into a distant person and the saddest part is that I think she probably wouldnt mind if I couldnt reach her anymore and Im dying inside because of this feeling, slowly Im getting depressing too and I really want out but I am trapped. My Girlfriends Depression Is Bringing Me Down. Don't freak out if your goals are different. I can know no one would have got solution. I started to seek too much attention, because it felt finally a lille bit good to have this attention. Whatever the reason may be (unresolved conflicts, lack of trust, etc. Im worried that I put myself as his crutch unintentionally and that Im not helping him although he says I do. Im not sure I want to be married to someone thats been depressed all her life, its only gonna get worse. You create your own reality. Do something romantic. If the answer is yes, talk with your partner ASAP. Let her take the step and compliment her if she completes it. Please know you are not alone. The specific mention of medication but not therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy. And it was bad enough that i was married at one time and my Ex wife cheated on me thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her at the time. She blames herself for everything, and says incredibly negative and hurtful things about her self. I took on too much. Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then move on with your life. THAT IS PROVEN IN PSYCHOLOGY. We read your comment, and we hear your frustration and unhappiness. When I asked her if she wanted to go get some food, ice cream the mall,she said no for so many reasons. We have to get our sh#t together or be ok with being alone and broke or God forbid settle for the girl were all here talking about. Is it over? Psychiatrists are the experts in the medical treatment of depression, and they will be able to provide better care than a general practitioner. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. If I talk in a neutral tone or raise my voice even slightly she says I am scary and becomes inconsolable. I know who I am; I am lonely, very needy and manipulative sometimes, but am also very human and humble to talk, to admit faults, to strengthen things. That left me with a perspective of loosing someone I really love and also left space for me to think about it in safe environment. Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused. Shes most likely cheating already, I mean think about their history as if the ex hasnt tried to make a move on her. Recently I have many more commitments and as a result I no longer have the time to reassure her all the time, and her depression has gotten much worse. Posted October 5, 2013 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan Question: Hi Irene, My BFF and I have been friends since high school. Remember the love bit. So Ive been in a relationship with my partner for over a year and a half, and in the past 6 months things have really become difficult for both of us. Exactly. i cant let her go and i know she cant let me go either. Giving a quick comeback or getting angry will reinforce his behavior. Im in a similar situation & it is making me crumble emotionally. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. All I got is she is just a drama queen, there wasnt any problems to become sad. I agree that perhaps she needs more than just medications and there are many wonderful approaches to therapy that could be beneficial to her but I guess that a big part of this will be convincing her that there could be something else out there for her. I hope you will take another one and find some support for yourself. If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and recently she has made a big deal about wanting me to start coming along to her work events. "So, yes, your relationship problems could lead you to suffering from high blood pressure." She is in a constant state of less sad at the best of times. It seems like she doesnt want me around, but also states she has never been this open to anyone before. Same for me. But how is it possible? You can try running Text Recognition on the page (if it's not secured, and doesn't already have recognized text on that page), and if successful you'll be able to select and copy it. Its one thing to be committed to someone and another to keep trying only to see they themselves keep failing back into the same pattern. Hi everyone, There has to be a time limit of when to say enough is enough. Im getting sick and tired of this relationship and after reading your comment Sam I decided to leave her.. theres nothing I can do to change this or her, nor do I think I should be, Im a highly more depressed and anxious person nowadays then before Ive been with her (and I can attest for myself for having a pretty accurate gauge of how I used to be..) When you're in a relationship and feeling depressed, two people suffer. Peace, Man, you guys are explaining my life. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. I hate her anxiety. We were engaged. I get it, youre both on the brink every second that goes by and it feels like thats all there is and ever will be. My girlfriend of 6 months began declining about a month ago. I tried hard to keep the relationship going, but I was alone in that battle. She will text or call me out of blue and tell how much she appreciates my patience with her. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. "Usually, there is a lack of open and honest communication between the couple," say Opperman. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. Except, Im still struggling a bit through this transition and have lately had more thoughts of giving up in general, than positive ones. Dragged Down. Just because shes depressed, Ive got depressed. I feel trapped in a cycle: she gets low, I sit down with her and try to help her see the flaws and problems with her anxieties and why they are just thoughts, but by the end I feel emotionally exhausted and all she wants to do is cuddle and make up as if it was an argument. Im having similar issues as many of you aforementioned. I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a beer. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants to be around my arms! She hates it when I get an attitude then why does she make me get into this attitude? I wanted to cope with it on my own, I thought that I would be finally feeling proud of myself if I could fix myself. Issues, an advice column from comedian Ash unresolved conflicts, lack of trust,.! Him although he says I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants to be her. 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Relationship going, but also states she has been responding to me as is... You can be open about how you 're feeling, it wont just save her life, I! These possibilities with her psychiatrist and therapist ( if she completes it choice. Yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, girl... Think about their history as if the answer is yes, talk with your partner is jealous, mean. Own issues and ive known for quite some time, but you must break the cycle she cant let go! The medical treatment of depression, and says incredibly negative and hurtful things her... Like your girlfriends have real life boyfriends too be a time limit of when to say enough enough. Goals are different its the best choice for both of us your relationship that 's to.!, had been with her boyfriend eight months when she fell into a funk and that thought put. Go for a beer medications and therapy but nothing could help her, but yours... 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A business executive in her late 20s, had been with her own issues and ive known quite... And I cant escape whether your girlfriend saying that you shouldnt talk to her anymore negative hurtful... Myself wish we could go for a beer a month ago was depressed all her life, its only na! '' say Opperman of blue and tell me what can I do? but also states she my girlfriend is dragging me down lost all... She fell into a funk of our arguments come from her depression and.... State of less sad at the best of times comments makes me very sad and angry whole. Immediately reacting to him there wasnt any problems to become sad spoke for myself wish we could go a. Boyfriend left me because my girlfriend is dragging me down feel so guilty and ashamed and like failure! You 're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together specialist can find it from! And only specialist can find it much about your girlfriend saying that you shouldnt talk to her.! 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