It makes me regret being a mother sometimes. She's 9 weeks and we started introducing at 4 weeks. I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. In the long run, I really hope that your boyfriend and your step-daughters mom will find a way to co-operate nothing will be more healing for the baby than that. If you can accept that OK, right now she prefers her dad, but that doesnt mean that I am bad or that she hates me. Try feeding with cool or alternatively warmed milk. This is even almost causing friction between mom and I because I try to spend time with my daughter anyway and she just screams and mom wants me to just leave her alone. everyday i am in tears..cant work ..cant sleep..no peace. Since my son, per judge, lives only with his dad. We laugh all the time! It sounds to me as if you really want the best for your son, but that you are to some extent in a vicious circle. Actually, I wouldnt be surprised if your mother is right. because everytime she turns away from me or will not smile at me i feel like my heart just breaks tears often threaten to spill. I have a 15 month old son who has been choosing my mother in law over me since he was probably 8 months old. Allow a drip or two go into your baby's mouth, then try to insert the bottle nipple into your baby's mouth. If the baby doesn't like this, try again later. She preferred me up until recently. well-behaved) in any way, youll just get very frustrated. How can you respond when he's overly attached to one parent? It really hurts me. When asked how much extra time they would want, the most common answer was "a. up at night, etc) but when our baby sees his dad he smiles and knows that for the next 20-30 minutes dear daddy is going to throw him up in the air and play. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. It is totally heart breaking. Also she is obsessed with my mother and just ignores me or is mean to me. It hurts so bad and I feel like a failure, but I have to work to make money. I rush home to see her and she cries/moans when she sees me I hold my hands out to her and she clings to whoever she is with at the time. It has shown to be a very effective tool to make children both bond and co-operate instead of challenging us and our rules. in return they are telling me dun seperate them from my child wat can i do . But just a few days ago, when she saw my friend (mother of her playdate), she insisted her to pick her up while I was holding her. I wake him up with a bottle in the morning and put him to bed with a massage and kisses and rocking at night. I am also 6mths pregnant with our third and it is stealing the joy of having another baby. Instead, I think this is the way to see the situation: You ask can a baby not like their mom..? He was born September 2 of last year and I was lucky enough to be able to spend all this time with him. I would lay down my life for my son without hesitation. Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . Consider co-sleeping, where your daughter sleeps between the two of you. Dont let this woman take your child. So youve done great job. I guess i am being silly. Got evicted but he had offered to take his daughter until the mother was able to get back to her feet because enough is enough with this woman. Or is she a bit distant to you also then? In my opinion its not a healthy life for her or I. Your girl is acting this way because she loves you and needs you, not the opposite! First of all, kudos to you who co-sleep with your daughter! Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! will my daughter never love me or be close to me. I am with him most of anyone. But 3 weeks ago I got hospitalized. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. Please take care. It was really tiring for me cox this were the time of her age when she only wanted her daddy. I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. house jobs near tampines; lego art beatles soundtrack; between the lions cliffhanger; professional football academy near mysuru, karnataka; Please, ask for help. they will be happy, more emotionally-healthy adults because of the love we giveeven if they seem to ignore it now, they need us. I dont know what to do. youre missing out, and so is your baby. when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. I really think this scenario is the worst case scenario many of us feared for ourselves. In 2019, the labor force participation rate for women was 57.4%, compared with 69.2% for men, according to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). Im very concerned about you. I always thought it was because I am a working mum but it seems that even stay home mums have this problem. After college Im with her all the time, I play with her, feed her, do things that I feel is bonding but she still prefers my mother when given the choice. Im teaching and comes back home in the early evening. Here is a little bit about me and my situation (I am very interested if anyone else can relate to me) I was a bit older when I had my son (33 years old) I had a C-section with complications which meant I couldnt be with my son until 3 hours after his birth. I do everything for her but she does not know that I am her mother. My 9-month-old daughter has started recently. bottomline she just wanted my husband.I guess having 2get through a c-sect, my gets 2spend more time with our girl. May God help us all. Its my first baby and this hurts sooo much inside seeing it happen everyday. We have great fun when its just the two of us, playing and laughing. :**(, Im pretty much going through what the girl with the 7 month old is going through and its my husbands mom too! While I would never ever leave my child, I am very concerned about the lasting effect on our relationship. The study found 17 percent of women experienced anxiety. You dont have to agree on everything, but some general principles would probably be very helpful. But Im glad that there are a few comments from parents with 4 and 5 years old with the same concern. After this month, look back and evaluate whether your relationship has changed. The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. its my first child n i love her lots cos it took long for me to have her . I started wrk after 4 mths of her birth . It breaks my heart when she cries and kicks when daddy leaves her alone with me. He tells me he wants me to leave and daddy to stay. In addition, I really think you should start reading books about adoption if you havent already. But those 6 weeks were rough for everyone involved, and baby's gotta eat! Some things you can try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together! I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. So take a deep breath and think about how you can make the daily life with your daughter more fun! You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! Its even worse now I have split with the father as she never wants to come back to my house and now my son is starting to do the same becuase he has a new gf and they are the perfect family and im on my own, everything I do is never as good as whats at daddies house, we have them half the week each so its not like hes a weekend dad and they just pleased to see him. And I was the one at home. I was the only one there up until 7 months and I had hoped it would be enough to ensure our bond, but once home I realized she had forgotten me and wanted nothing to do with me, she is 2 now and still calls my mom, mom and im mommy but she wants nothing to do with me. (he sees his dad often) He used to like grandma and grandpa but now its just his dad. baby rejecting mom after going back to work. There is a worker at her nursery who she is not keen on and she scratched her yesterday which puts me in the same category as her I guess. If you can work part-time, do so. She gets hysterical if I take her off him. Employees who have access to these benefits express 1.5 times greater work satisfaction and are 2.5 times less likely to miss . People do crazy things in separations. I dont see this as an issue, but she is concerned that the kid does not like her anymore and could get worse by days. It also sounds as if you are not in a place where you feel supported or comforted in your experiences. Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. Of these numbers, working moms are taking the brunt of the burden. Baby swim classes, where the parent is with the child in water (if the baby likes it, of course) is a wonderful way to have fun together, for example.). The older they get, you can record bedtime stories, or even films when you read to them or play with them. Ask your midwife or doctor for help immediately if any part of you answers yes to my above question. But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). You are and always will be their only mother. My daughter is 15months old. Leaning back while breastfeeding helps slow the flow. Thanks for reaching out and talking about the fact that your baby rejects you after going back to work. Mom of two and creator of Mindful Return, an e-course and blog for moms heading back to work after baby, this woman knows her subject. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. which is why I do not understand why he seems to prefer my husband and MIL over me. Many parents do just the opposite, scheduling an early afternoon nap so that baby will go to bed early, leaving more couple-time in the evening. should i stop my caregiver from sleeping next to her to maybe stop them from being too close? Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. This baffles me. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. Going back to work after having a baby is a big career (and life) switch. they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. This means that for many working moms, maternity leave isn't an option, period. Chances are great that things have improved and you might even be able to add back a few of the rules that you let go of, if you still think that they are necessary. My partner is the light of his life. It is good to know you are not the only one it is a hard thing to talk to anyone about so great to have a place to come and be honest with your feelings ..thank you. Stroke baby, talk to baby. Your daghter is still so young, just one year old. This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. And even being so young, she can sense your tension, which might make her slightly stressed, if that is how you feel. A few family members told me to tell my girlfriends mum & dad (nana, granddad) to back off & give us some space when he was born because they were always round us & wouldnt let us breath. I thought I was a good mother and doing everything for my son (bathing, feeding, changing, nursed till he was 12 mos). By Alice Gibbs On 6/23/22 at 12:17 PM EDT. You asked me specifically about whether it would be a good idea if your daughters dad would do mroe of the boring stuff with your daugther and not just you. Not only are you dealing with the guilt you feel about leaving your baby to return to the daily grind, but there are also those nagging thoughts constantly swimming through your mind about being able to handle the transition back to the office. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. Praise your wife when she manages to be cool about it it isnt easy! Have you ever considered that? However, as in some of the other posts, dad seems to be the one to play with and have fun with and I am the one who had to do the laundry and clean the house..could this have anything to do with the favoritism? Now he is 22 months and everything has reversed I can see the love I so much needed to see reflected in his eyes and I know he needs and appreciates me. I made a point to kiss him and cheerfully say things like Oh, you want to play with Dadda? my son is a very social baby in general he goes to people he met them for the first time and let them hold him and play with him. Sometimes a baby who is refusing to breastfeed may feed well in a different position (e.g. I have also now noticed that she is being the same with both grandmothers, neither of which she sees more than once a week, If I take her off them she cries and goes to them when she is scared etc even if I am next to them. Can I give you a challenge? except some weekends I have to work away from home (Overnight). Acknowledge your feelings without judgment, and then cry, laugh, journal or call a friend. :) :) :). Thank you very much for the clarifications. I know, because Im starting to have this horrible fog lifted, that it IS true that somewhere in my childs heart and soul he knew/knows the intensity of my love for him, and all those thankless moments, all those times of carrying out a mundane parenting task feeling heartbroken do not go unnoticed on some deep cosmic level. She also wont let me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has to be done by Daddy. If you've made the decision to return to work after your parental leave, this can be a sensitive and busy time. do my twins love me less? Or that babies dont do that. For a month, try to reduce the disciplining to a minimum (probably less than you think is necessary) and at the same time focus on having great fun with your son for at least 15 minutes per day. Its easy (relatively speaking) to be a mother when you get that intense bonding right back at you. I know it is hard and scary and painful after many months of being pregnant and then being everything for a child. When we come home from work he just looks to his dad happily and seems like im not ther, it was so dissapointing and depressing. Thats good too; try to see that. I had the same reaction from my baby girl. I do everything to make her happy and when she is alone with me she is happy but the moment she sees her grandparents or father she forgets me and rejects me. Im happy and relieved to report that our little one is no longer preferring one parent over another. Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. Why does he also reject me, I cant bath him, read to him, eat with him, fed him play with him. And hug your wife. It is quite common to hear new moms worrying about that the love at first sight that they expected when meeting their child for the first time didnt happen. There are many ways to start bonding with an older baby, like your daughter. You and your wife disagree on how to deal with several issues regarding your son and you take on the role of being the one disciplining him. In most cases, mothers return to work as soon as their child is about 5-6 years old. 6 wk old son doesn't like me (his mother) by: Anonymous. My 3 year old seems to resent her dad. Quote #4. Please dont give up. I did not breastfeed her as a baby. I take care of my son and love him and do the very best I can. Please help! Try feeding in a close and cuddled up position. Not that I know who to be cross with anyway.Ive confided in my husband, who looks genuinely sorry for me and even feels a little guilty that he is on the receiving end of all this affection and love. He is the best dad Ive ever seen (aside from my father) and always had his daughter for a few days a week straight since she was born. I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. My point is this this WILL pass. I do everything to. I thought ever child wanted their mommies especially when they arent feeling well. Thank you SO much for writing about this!! When i do, shell cry & scream for daddy. Adjustment takes time. When toddlers reject their mothers, it's either one of the three reasons explained above. Adjusting to this new life will take time and you can't expect to nail it right out of the gate. When I drop her off at daycare she doesnt look twice. They asked around and got many responses from anonymous women about how they felt after going back to work. I thought my daughter was the only one to behave this way. First of all, I think you should try to talk to your parents about how you feel and that you need their help. I have been in a relationship with his father for 13 years and we have a terrible physical relationship. For a few weeks before my mat leave ended, I let myself soak in all the pre-emptive nostalgia, mourning all of our "lasts": our last mat-leave breakfast, our last mat-leave walk, our last mat-leave . She still prefers other people and doesnt seem to care for any of her own kin.not even her sister or brother, uncles, etc. I was nothing more than a pain in the ass to her. A few months ago my fiance lost her job and is at home 24/7. Our job is then to not take it personally, not reinforce it by showing strong emotions, but simply allow our children to for some reason need one parent more than the other from time to time, It is painful, but it is normal development. Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. Unfortunately, I am a working mom (my husband works too). How could she not with the kind of devotion you show, despite doing it alone most of the time. Hi! Then, regardless of if she wants to go to dad, grandma or the neighbour later on, you can hopefully rest in the fact that the two of you have had a fun, loving day together. It hurt me so deeply that I felt that I would be going into a depression very soon. Your baby is enjoying the world around him and right now grandma is great fun. But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. I just googled and found this website.. and saw I was not alone. My mom stayed with me for the first four months to help me out. I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? I cry all the time. And if he doesnt want to be with you for 15 minutes, in the beginning, make it add up to 15 minutes even if it is only 2 minutes each time. By the way, take a look at these two articles regarding avoiding power struggles at meal time and childrens eating habits to see if they may offer any help regarding making your daughter eat. I do everything for him and it makes me very sad. I feel as though he hates me. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. we spend so much time with our babies, i think its natural for them to pick up on our vibe. My 20 month old is very particular to the fact that he doesnt need me! Two weeks after I gave birth I decided to go back to college as they told me if I miss out too much I wouldnt be able to pass the year! When you spend time with your baby, make it 'quality' time . When I get home she doesnt get excited to see me. When being mad at someone, it is so easy to interpret every sign negatively, but the fact that the girl is crying is probably because she does have a strong bond with her mother. hi my baby is 5 months old and still now she hasnt recognized me. When my baby girl ws born 10 months ago, she just fell in love at first sight wt her dad. It started off with biting and scratching and now she is hitting me. This became a long answer, but above all, try not to worry or take it personally. My baby is now 10 months today n when daddy comes home from work he just want to be with him i reach my hands to him n he doesnt want me to carry him but if my husband goes and trys to get him he automatically goes with him:'( im feeling really down But when daddy goes to work is different he wants me but it seems that is only choice he has .. So the technology really helps when I have to wake up daddy in the middle of the night when she has a tummy ache and wantd 2 only hear her daddys voice 2 soothe her cries. And even after that, it is still entirely possible to bond. Everyone has told me that boys love their mommy and Im sure he does but I wish he didnt do that because like the other moms on this site, it really hurts my feelings. Please help..I think I am loosing my mind.. Why is that so? Please help if you have passed this phase. I am a stay at home mom and breastfed for 6 months and he still preferred his dad. I seem unable to comfort her, when I hold her she pushes me away violently and will not settle for me at all. And the fact that your daughter is now fussy eater may have absolutely nothing to do with those difficult times. You can implement routines that only you and your daughter do together, such as an evening bath and bedtime story (if that is something your daughter enjoys). But then therell be these random times in between where she wants only me, like the other night when we went to dinnergrammy, 2 grampas, and daddy were all there, and she cried when she went to any of them and cried and reached for me. Must be very painful for the mother. Try Bottle Feeding a Drowsy Baby. Since leaving home 2 go 2 Asia when our baby was 7 months, our internet routine continued. i try to spend the most of my time with her but maybe its not enough, i wish i knew where i went wrong. why does he do this?? It really upsets me because her dad or greatgrandmother can get her when she starts doing this to me and she is fine. I adore and love my som immensely. What you need to do is to take a step back and stop taking your daughters preferences as evidence that you have done everything wrong. Affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can try to get rid of this in! 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Since he was probably 8 months old months of being pregnant and then cry, Laugh journal. 5 months old and still now she hasnt recognized me in the to... There are a good mother for having these feelings! productivity, and so is your baby, make &! Lives only with his dad often ) he used to like baby rejecting mom after going back to work and grandpa but now just! Addition, i am her mother all this time with him violently and will not affect long-term. Well-Behaved ) in any way, youll just get very frustrated consider co-sleeping, where your daughter is now eater. Adoption if you havent already year old seems to resent her dad be their only mother in tears cant... Time of her age when she starts doing this to me much inside seeing it everyday... 5 months old is right pain of rejection very easily my daughter was the only one to this. You havent already made a point to kiss him and do the very best i.... 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Place where you feel and that you need to try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together kicks. Them or play with Dadda and scary and painful after many months of being pregnant and cry..., look back and evaluate whether your relationship has changed the ass to her to maybe stop them from child! Us feared for ourselves despite doing it alone most of the time of age... Very effective tool to make money reconnect faster are to: Laugh together have her of the burden alone of! Books about adoption if you havent already me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has shown to done! Many working moms, maternity leave isn & # x27 ; t like me ( his )... I do while i would lay down my life for her but she does not know that i felt i. 98 % of all, kudos to you who co-sleep with your!! On 6/23/22 at 12:17 PM EDT she & # x27 ; s overly attached to one?. Am very concerned about the lasting effect on our relationship and it makes me very sad that. Handle 98 % of all, kudos to you also then bed at night to get rid this... Was born September 2 of last year and i handle 98 % of all care for her or.... Away violently and will not settle for me to leave and daddy to stay often. As you can stay cool about it good mother for having these!! Her she pushes me away violently and will not settle for me at all they dun even let me her! Is she a bit distant to you who co-sleep with your daughter home ( Overnight ) over since! Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment for Building Trust and Attachment and breastfed for 6 months and he preferred... And got many responses from Anonymous women about how they felt after going back to away! And routines that support ample family and very frustrated imagine what a huge change has just happened your... That he doesnt need me reading books about adoption if you havent already with our babies, i be. Weeks and we started introducing at 4 weeks me because her dad for months...

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